Yes, I have spent the last month getting married, leaving my hometown, moving to another state into a tiny apartment to live with a boy and that being a boy who has existed in an entirely different world than mine for over a year. I packed my books and my bags and some more books and literally wept in dismay at the sight of what was to be my home after two men had trashed it for three full months. But all such trivialities are part of life; they have been dealt with, are being dealt with, maybe even will be dealt with someday when I really get my act together.
Here are the two things that really scare me:
1) For the first time since 10th grade, I have officially spent at least 3 weeks as an unemployed individual.
2) For the first time in my conscious life, September has come and I am not buying books (well, textbooks anyway) or organizing syllabi.
I spent today doing dishes, cursing some floor lamps (some assembly required), shopping for light bulbs (and you thought one buys bulbs when one buys the lamps), doing dishes, reading, wandering aimlessly to the local University library, wandering more aimlessly around the local University campus and wishing
I was in a classroom, crossing the street to the other library and wishing more of the same, making a (darn good) pot of chili, and doing more dishes.
However, in spite of my longing for discussion and academic stimulation, I am oddly enjoying the role of “homemaker” after strong reactions against such “feminine” stereotypes. I like making a (to me) unlivable space into a cozy home. I enjoy throwing vegetables into a pot and seeing what comes out. Having time to bake one’s own bread is, in fact, a luxury. Reading without the goal of crafting a 30-page paper is nice. Granted, I feel a little slower, a little dimmer, maybe just kind of sleepy, but staying home has its perks (time for French pressed coffee at least once a day being a favorite "perk" of my own…HA).
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Of course, then ensues the following conversation:
Me: (sigh) I fail at writing a blog entry.
Ben: Well, dear, I guess you are just better bred for having babies.
I cannot wait for grad school.
